Directed by Joel Schumacher
Starring Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman, Chris O’Donnell
Val Kilmer plays the title role,
With Chris O’Donnell in a sidekick role,
As Batman and Robin, respectively,
But this time around, they’re more friendly.
You see, Batman Forever isn’t the same.
Now everything is fun and games.
No character has such a tragic past
That he can’t at any time just stop and laugh.
The colours are far brighter, mind,
Than the last two Batman films combined.
This goes for the heroes and villains as well,
So that every parent will think the film’s swell.
Every parent? Truth be told,
That last film was a little too bold.
It was so dark and nasty, for a fact,
It was giving merchandizers a heart attack.
When you bought a burger for your little boy,
They’d try to sell you a Batman toy,
And if your child likes that thing,
To the theatres he might ask you to bring,
But if you took him there in ’92,
You might have started turning blue,
Shocked and startled by the sexual themes,
And by the sheer malice on the screen.
Batman Returns was the kind of film
That was not a child-friendly film,
But the marketers didn’t know better,
And told all the kids to go-get-‘er.
The parents, however, when they saw what’s onscreen,
Decided that that stuff shouldn’t be seen
By children of any day and age,
So Batman, my dears, had to change.
No longer the dark and brooding loner,
This Batman became an orphan owner.
His sidekick Robin would lighten the mood,
And even give him a little attitude.
The serious tone was the first to go,
So that now it was more like the Adam West show.
The story would be filled with jokes and gags,
Far closer to G-Rated than to Stag.
Like their personalities, to be fair,
Their costumes got a little gayer,
So that their nipples were part of their armour,
And their butt cracks glistened like the former.
It was a complete overhaul of the Batman movies,
But people still seemed to find them groovy.
The wind was blowing the Box Office sails
And collected massive ticket sales.
Was this movie better than the two darker films?
Well, not really, but it’s like its own film.
It really is still a Batman story.
It’s just not as dark or gory.
If you like Batman, you can still like this.
It’s more of a lackadaisy popcorn flick.
Watch it while your mind just wanders,
And be glad it isn’t too much longer.
The performances are a bit bereft,
For the characters lack a lot of depth.
It’s brief escapism, nothing more,
Which is why I’m giving this a four.