Junior

(1994)

Directed by Ivan Reitman

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Emma Thompson

Rating: ******
              3/6

Arnie plays a scientist.
Danny DeVito gives him a hand.
Together they both strive to make
The world’s first pregnant man.

Though Billy Crystal beat them to it
Twenty years before,
That doesn’t stop this duo
From doing it one time more.

Arnold Schwarzenegger steals an egg
From a lady colleague with class.
He fertilizes it with his sperm
And inserts it into his ass.

Somehow he’s able to nourish it,
Though they never expressly say how.
We get a pregnant Arnold.
All we can say is wow.

Arnie and Danny had great success
With their movie Twins.
They even brought the director back,
Ghostbusters’ Ivan Reitman.

They had a silly premise.
Who can help but chuckle
At the thought of a pregnant Arnold,
Too fat to do up his buckle?

Unfortunately, the premise alone
Is not enough to save this farce.
The script was unable to make enough fun
Of the baby in Arnie’s arse.

It was somewhat cute, but not funny enough
To make us laugh out loud.
It’s not a story we remember
While we’re walking through a crowd.

I’ll give this movie a three out of six.
It was worth a single viewing,
But it’s not a film that sticks with you.
The interest is not accruing.