Directed by Roger Kumble
Starring Ryan Reynolds
This is a movie you can pull from the shelf
About a poor, fat slob who hates himself.
A weak, shy teen who’s loaded with blubber
Falls in love with a tramp who gives him a stutter.
He pours out his soul. She’s a very good friend.
She listens to his speech, but eavesdroppers send
Him running off crying, because this guy is so dumb
That he makes his confession in near public, chum.
He runs pretty far. Nobody sees him for years.
Then one day he shows up in the town that he fears.
He looks, talks and acts like a completely new person.
No one has yet seen his personality worsen.
In all that time, what has he been doing?
Let us first take a look at the life he was ruing.
He was fat, nearly friendless, and timid with people.
His one attempt with love was unsuccessful and feeble.
He would see to it that his life would become longer, not shorter.
So he decided that a change was in order.
Who did he admire? What was his vision of success?
Unfortunately, it was those with money, power and excess.
He thought to be liked, that he needed to be fit.
And that he should learn to speak up a bit.
Those two things are fine, and he succeeded quite well.
He became Ryan Reynolds, which he thought was quite swell.
The next thing he thought he needed was skill with the ladies.
Here he made his biggest mistake that would send him straight to Hades.
You see, the kind of men he most admired were women chasing dogs,
The kind of men that soon get tired of the cradles they have robbed.
So he had a lot of easy sex with easy female strangers,
Women without much self-respect. Some were money changers.
The last biggest thing that he did was make money,
For a success in his mind made oodles of money.
Now he thought that he had all three
Of the things that would combine to make him the most happy.
In truth, he was to discover that his soul was dark and sad.
And his own self-loathing made him feel rotten, grim and bad.
He could barely stand to look at all the women he had sex with,
But what he had the hardest time looking at was his own self reflection.
He spent his time in misery thinking he was proud
Of his many great accomplishments—his rise from the ground.
It took a trip back home to show that he was wrong.
He met the girl he used to like from a time ago quite long.
He found the reason he hated himself was that everything wasn’t right.
It took friendship and a lot of work and love to make things right.
Yes, the major thing he lacked and could never gain through shove.
Was the one the least accessible—the amazing thing called love.
He became a better person in the time that was to follow.
All in all, this formerly miserable man was quite a lucky fellow.
Should you spend time watching this? Please don’t waste your money.
This film’s supposed to be a comedy but it’s not the least bit funny.
If you’re in the right frame of mind, you can get some food for thought.
I’m giving it two stars out of five, knowing that two stars isn’t a lot.