Kung Fu Yoga

Kung Fu Yoga:

(2017)

Directed by Stanley Tong

Starring Jackie Chan, Yixing Zhang, Miya Muqi, Disha Pitani, Eric Tsang

Rating: ******
              1/6

The famous Disha Pitani.

There’s no excuse for this movie.
Three combined greats made this flop:
Jackie Chan and Eric Tsang
And the director of Supercop.

I don’t really remember the plot,
But I refuse to watch it again
It failed to hold my interest
When I first watched it back then.

In a way, it’s to be expected.
When Jackie first tried to breach Hollywood
He failed and failed and failed again,
And now he’s attempting Bollywood,

But with his international star power,
And his creative power is a producer,
One would think he could make something worthwhile,
And make the plot a little juicier.

A half-Bollywood, half-Hong-Kong movie
Should have pulled out all the stops.
We should have received something silly and wacky,
A truly Unforgettable romp.

Instead, we got a Jackie Chan movie so bad,
All of India refuses to see it.
That’s over a billion people refusing to see one of the top actors in the entire world.
There’s that little reason to see it.

Eric Tsang is in this movie,
But you’d be forgiven for forgetting he’s there.
He really doesn’t do anything much,
And rather just kind of stands there.

Jackie and Disha.

You won’t get a single laugh from this man–
He who directed so many
Of the Lucky Stars movies and starred in them, too–
And speaking of laughs, there aren’t any.

The one funniest moment, I suppose,
Is a car chase involving a lion.
Driver Jackie is chasing or being chased,
And sitting in his car is a lion,

Or rather a man in a lion suit
Who is really just there to make faces.
Jackie and the lion mug at the camera
During the vehicular chases.

But that’s more of a smirk than a guffaw,
And it comes pretty late in the movie,
At the point past which our interest has been lost,
And we’re thinking of far better movies.

Jackie and the lion try to make us laugh.

How could Stanley Tong, the director of Rumble in the Bronx,
A film filled with wall-to-wall action,
Put his name on this insipid film
That’s mostly filled with inaction?

Enough of my griping. This not only gets
One of my lowest ratings, a one,
But it’s also one of the few Jackie Chan films
Then I’ll recommend to no one.

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