Muay Thai Giant
Directed by Nonthakorn Thaweesuk
Starring Nathan Jones, Sasisa Jindamanee, Nawarat Techarathanaprasert, Conan Stevens
Nathan Jones is a pretty tall man.
He stands 6’11” in his stocking feet.
In his movies he always plays muscular henchmen,
And yet he’s a guy who always gets beat.
No matter how strong a villain he is,
The hero always will win,
Even if he’s a short little athlete
Who has to stretch to reach his chin.
In the past, he has been defeated
By the cream of the hero crop,
From Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Tony Jaa…
Leaving him scars on his scalp at the top.
This is why this film is unusual.
The villain is not Nathan Jones.
He can’t even fight in this movie,
And his heart’s filled with gold and not stones.
He plays an ordinary muscular giant,
Who goes to Thailand for some fun,
And immediately loses his passport,
And his trouble increases a ton.
He’s left with no shoes and no money,
And not even a T-shirt to wear.
His only clothes are a large pair of pants
That most of us could never wear.
He wanders a bit around Thailand
Not knowing quite what to to,
When he sees a small girl being chased by some men
And she asks for help from the man with no shoes.
He’s somewhat useless in a street brawl,
And gets beaten with solid objects,
So the girl hides herself beneath him,
And protects her stolen objects.
Her sister shows up to help her.
She’s a fighter trained in Muay Thai.
She uses the body of the giant
To help her defeat the bad guys.
She climbs on him, uses him as a shield,
And kicks his fist to make him fight.
Her tactics work, and they begin to walk home,
And give Nathan a place for the night.
They take him to a Buddhist temple,
And the monk there lets him stay.
The next day the girls take him to their home,
To the place where they live and play.
He likes the place, till he tries the food,
Which gives him an allergic reaction.
This turns him into a raging beast,
Who tears the place up a fraction.
When he has finished and cooled his skin,
So that it’s no longer blood red,
He calms right down and looks around,
And realizes what he did.
His hosts are really none too pleased,
And berate him for making that mess,
For to fix it will cost them cash they don’t have,
And their restaurant will be open less.
The children make some suggestions,
And he tells them he’ll do all he can.
The eldest girl offers to teach him Muay Thai,
And he tries to learn from her like a man.
Big though he is, and strong like an ox,
He’s clumsy in the martial arts.
They all think it’s wise if he doesn’t partake
In the world of fighting sports,
So the eldest girl fights in his place,
Despite her mother’s proclamation
That she doesn’t want her young daughter to fight,
Lest her future be filled with lamentation.
The girl is placed in the ring with a <em>man</em>.
It’s unfair, but she’s not going to moan.
What else can she do but suck it up and partake?
How else can they fix their home?
She gets beaten and bruised but she wins the fight,
And her sister steals a purse.
She comes home all aching and her mother rejects her,
Making her feel much worse.
They use the winnings to rebuild the place,
And the giant helps her out all he can.
He carries materials and learns how to cook,
And the restaurant takes shape again.
Nathan Jones sees the woman who stole all his stuff
Walking along on the street.
He chases her and locates a roomful of stuff
That gets nabbed by the police.
While there, the young thief found the giant’s passport,
She found it, but did not give it back.
Just like the jewel that she found in the purse,
She places it in the sack on her back.
Well, the jewel belonged to a criminal gang,
Who saw her take it on the security tapes.
One day she gives it to her sister,
Along with her birthday cake.
The criminals take them and they have to fight hard,
For life and for limb and for pride.
Luckily, the thief gives Nate some of her noodles,
Before any of them could have died.
He starts choking and coughing, his skin turns red hot,
And he’s more than willing to wrestle
With all of the big angry bad guys
Who are giving the trio such a hassle.
One of these guys is a big bearded man,
By the name of Conan Stevens.
He joins the fight with the large Nathan Jones
To make the battle a little more even.
He’s one inch taller than our hero,
A cigar-chomping, criminal sort.
Nate has to dropkick an airplane
Before he can deal the bully some hurt.
During his battles, the young little thief
Returns his passport to him,
Saying she kept it so that he wouldn’t leave,
Because he’s like family to them.
This gives big-hearted Nathan,
Battered and bruised,
Another big reason to fight,
So he gets up and charges the bad buys,
In order to make things right.
So, they all take a turn in saving the day,
And Mr. Jones decides to remain.
They live happily thereafter,
Though from that food he hates he’ll refrain.
This was a fun little movie, delightful and fresh,
So I’ll give it a five out of six.
It’s a turnabout role for large Nathan Jones,
Who did not get defeated in this.