Police Academy

Police Academy
(1984)

Rating: ******
              6/6

Directed by Hugh Wilson
Starring Steve Guttenberg, et al.

There once existed strict protocol
For the hiring of all policemen.
They had to be tall, with very good eyes,
Strong, white, and they had to be men.
During the 60’s and 70’s great change occurred
In American thought and in action.
Municipal governments relaxed their rules.
To appease all they let everyone in.
Not everyone agreed with those rules, of course,
Notably old coppers who didn’t like change.
If they had their way only the people who fit
The previous mold would be free to range.

Then a movie came along,
Came along, came along
To satirize this situation
To ridiculous extremes.
Nutty people came along,
Came along, came along.
They all had a secret dream to enroll
In the Police Academy.

Tackleberry was a gun nut,
Hightower a formidable giant.
Barbara was a soft, fat man,
And Mahoney was just defiant.
Larvelle Jones made silly noises,
While Hooks made hardly any.
George Martin made passionate love,
And Doug Fackler had accidents many.
The only normal person in this entourage
Was a very cute woman named Karen.
She was included to balance them out
And to keep the audience carin’.

These misfits differed in every way,
Every way, every way,
As different as night and day,
But had one common theme.
They all wanted to be a cop,
Be a cop, be a cop,
To carry a whistle and holler “stop”.
That was their shared dream.

Well, one of the old school cops didn’t like them.
His name was Captain Harris.
He decided to make it extra tough on them,
So their chosen path they wouldn’t cherish.
He pushed them hard and called them names
And treated them like dirt.
He treated them so badly
That their feelings all were hurt.
A lot of cadets quit because of this.
They got upset and left.
They didn’t have what it took
To be a good cadet.

But those with the strongest feelings,
Feelings, feelings,
Also had the strongest drive
And will to succeed.
Their dream was since forever,
Forever, forever.
They had to prove themselves as good.
They had the greatest need.

Otherwise the lot of them
As individuals seem dull.
As a police force, however,
The excitement would never lull.
Thus, the strongest, zaniest folks
Were those who tried the most.
They earned respect from some instructors
In their authoritative post.
By the way, this movie is
A good one, at the least.
At the most it’s well described
As a comedic masterpiece.

Six wretched sequels,
Sequels, sequels
Were churned out without thought or forethought
To whether an audience would watch.
Add to that some spinoffs,
TV series spinoffs,
Animated and live action
Though still not amounting to much.

Unlike the succeeding movies,
The first one here was funny.
It had a good script and directors who cared,
While the rest were made just for money.
Everything made thereafter
Gave the first film a bad name.
I’m giving it five stars out of five
For being at the top of its game.

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