The Hitcher (Remake)
Directed by Dave Meyers
Starring Sean Bean
In the original Hitcher movie,
One man gives another a lift.
He soon regrets his action,
For his life begins to shift.
You can see fear coming to his eyes,
But he doesn’t make a sound.
He knows that if he panics,
His lifeless body will be found.
With his new and dangerous adversary
He plays a game of cat and mouse.
He never lets himself lose his cool.
He can’t mess up this joust.
The Hitcher is a killer
Who is active and alert.
He can sense vulnerabilities
In the folks he likes to hurt.
Fast forward to the modern age,
With a reboot in the works.
Film technology has improved,
Yet this new movie is much worse.
This time we get two protagonists
Who scream like little girls.
They panic, cry and lose their heads
Putting the swine before the pearls.
In a real life situation,
In which all they did was cry,
These two adult human beings
Would be the first to die.
Their ever constant panicking
Gets tiring pretty fast.
Not even Sean Bean as the villain
Can make this movie last.
Sean Bean could have been
The greatest villain we’ve ever seen.
Instead, he appears to just not care,
And it shows in every scene.
To be fair, he does his job,
And acts as the plot’s connector,
But he could have been amazing
Had he worked with a better director.
This movie is a travesty.
Though it reuses most of the original’s plot,
It lacks everything that made it work.
Thus, a one is what it’s got.