The Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace

The Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace

(1996)

Directed by Farhad Mann

Starring Patrick Bergin, Matt Frewer, Austin O’Brien, Ely Pouget, Kevin Conway

Rating: ******
              2/6

No. If you think this is the Present, you’ve been sadly misinformed.

Jobe: “Incest: a game the whole family can play. My grandfather’s my daddy.”
Dr. Trace: “You don’t look like you’re dying to me, Jobe.”
Jobe: “I’m not. I want Egypt.”

(Yes, this is the actual dialogue.)

In The Lawnmower Man, a guy named Jobe
Was an imbecile before his mind probe,
Becoming the smartest man, boy, or girl,
And transformed into energy to take over the world.

In this sequel…those events never took place,
And they made up a story to fill some space.
Jobe still has his mortal form.
He can still feel cold, and can still feel warm.

The green screens of the future are far more advanced than those we now use.

Some teens were having some fun with VR,
And bumped into Jobe on their grand adventure.
He tells them he’s dying so they’ll seek the aid
Of a man we’ve not heard about till today.

When the man meets with Jobe, Jobe tells a joke
–A wholly surprising, uncalled-for joke–
And in case this new character might start feeling gypped,
He tells him that what he wants is Egypt.

That’s as much of the plot as I’ll spoil for you,
But to be fair, though I’m leaving you a bit confused,
You’ll be just as confused after seeing this joke
Of a film, with its plot running like milk.

George Lucas gets his inspiration for The Phantom Menace.

I’m giving it at two, and I’m not sure why.
It was alright, okay, but will never rate high.

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