Batman and Robin

Batman and Robin


Directed by Joel Schumacher

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, Chris O’Donnell, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone

Rating: ******

The villainous Mr. Freeze.

Batman and Robin has been unfairly
Spat on by the critics,
Who say this is the worst film ever made.
I say to them, “Really, critics?”

A worst movie, of course, is subjective;
One man’s preference is another man’s poison,
But to me, any film I can watch all the way through
Could be hardly the film last chosen.

In all honesty, it’s not much worse
Than the one that preceded it,
Though it must have been bad enough
To have had none succeeding it.

Val Kilmer has been replaced
By handsome, suave George Clooney.
He spends the movie looking smug,
In a film that’s most cartoony.

His Batman and his Robin
Surf down through the skies,
And later skate upon the ice
When battling bad guys.

While we patiently give this movie
Our suspension of disbelief,
We’re treated to the ridiculous,
Of which we’re given no relief.

Alicia Silverstone
Appears, as Barbara Gordon,
Also known as Batgirl,
The daughter of Commissioner Gordon.

Batman tries talking.

The two main villains this time round
Are a woman named Poison Ivy
And a muscular bodybuilder
Who attracts the coy Miss Ivy.

Poison Ivy favours plants
More than she does people.
With the exception of this Adonis,
Humans are less than equal.

The bodybuilder is a German man
By the name of Mr. Freeze.
His body is as cold as ice,
And he carries a gun to freeze.

His weapon helps him burglarize
Banks and science labs,
And freeze people like icicles,
So he can work more in his lab.

Freeze’s laboratory
Contains research for his wife,
Who in suspended
Animation lies.

His wife has taken ill
From some incurable disease,
So he froze her solid
To preserve her debris.

Maybe one day he’ll unthaw her,
If ever a cure is found.
Until then he will fight the Law,
And do his daddy proud.

Superstar Arnold Schwarzenegger
Plays villainous Mr. Freeze.
He’ll crack corny one-liners
That will float in the air like a breeze.

Relax. The Boy Wonder is just going through a phase.

Both villains fight Batman,
Robin and Batgirl,
But never quite manage to
Remove them from the world.

This movie is corny,
Campy and fun.
Though not a great movie,
It gets three plus one.

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