Directed by Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck
Starring Brie Larson, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Mendelsohn, Jude Law
Captain Marvel…where to start?
Newcomer Brie Larson got the part.
Is this a cinematic work of art,
In the likeness of Pinocchio?
This Captain Marvel is not the same
As the one who shouts out the magical name.
It’s just Ms. Marvel with a change of name,
Like Edo is to Tokyo.
This Captain Marvel was Earth-born,
And raised on a planet that was all war-torn,
But for Earth she wasn’t exactly forlorn,
For she was fine just where she was,
But she touched something she shouldn’t have touched,
And some energy penetrated her body so much
That she gained some new powers like excessive thrust,
So she has to now watch what she does.
She returns to Earth for some reason or other,
And bumps into Samuel L. Jackson, the brother,
And he looks at her like she’s some kind of mother,
Though he doesn’t specify what kind.
At first they’re mortal enemies, natch,
But team up later after a rematch,
And travel with a cat that they catch,
Who turns out to have an alien mind.
This movie had promise, but had a bad script,
And clichés reminiscent of Tales From The Crypt,
And dialogue no longer counted as hip,
So allow me to do some math.
I’ll give it a one for the acting attempts,
And another one for some VFX,
And a one and a half for the absence of sex,
So I give it a three and a half.