Conan the Destroyer

(1984)

Directed by Richard Fleischer

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sandahl Bergman, Mako, Olivia d’Abo, Grace Jones

Rating: ******
              3.4/6

This film was just as bloody
As its violent predecessor,
But the Producers decided to trim it,
And make the blood less wetter.

They toned it down
To a rating of PG,
So it would sell more tickets,
See?

We also got
A different director.
Instead of John Milius,
We got Richard Fleischer.

The budget seems
To have been more or less the same,
But that feeling of grandness
Will not come again.

Conan this time
Is asked by a queen
To bring back her daughter
On a mission serene.

Only she
Can restore a horn
Belonging to
A God quite torn.

The plot continues
And there’s plenty of it,
But we are not as able
To marvel at it.

Despite everyone’s efforts,
The film’s just not as good.
I’ll give it a three point four,
As I should.