Jerry Maguire

Jerry Maguire

Rating: ******

Directed by Cameron Crowe
Starring Tom Cruise

My main beef with this movie,
The thing that angered me the most,
Was the way they advertised it
(And later monetized it)
From ocean coast to ocean coast.

You see, it was hawked as a comedy
Of unrivaled proportions,
Yet the movie was a drama,
A rather slow-moving drama,
With amusement in small portions.

Its length did not help things.
It was three hours long,
Long hours with little laughter,
Causing bad moods thereafter.
The marketers had been wrong.

Tom Cruise tires to entertain us,
But we don’t get enterained.
He plays another agent
(No. Not that kind of agent),
One who signs sports players to teams.

Cuba Gooding, jr. plays
An athlete who wants more money,
So he asks Tom Cruise a moment
(At the movie’s highest moment)
To scream, “Show me the money.”

Sadly, that’s about as funny
As this movie gets.
I’ll give points for acting,
Points for trying,
And a two is what it gets.

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