Mrs. Doubtfire

Mrs. Doubtfire
(1993)

Rating: ******
              2/6

Directed by Chris Columbus
Starring Robin Williams, Sally Field, Pierce Brosnan

Some people make movies that make you laugh,
Laugh so your staff
Will split in half.
Some people make movies that warm your soul
And dole out the coal
To reach that goal.
…A scene can be known for the sunshine it brings,
But Mrs. Doubtfire is none of these things.

Comedian Robin Williams
Plays a man with skill and talent
For creating funny voices
With demeanour quite nonchalant.
He lives for his kids,
And soaks in all their chatter.
In contrast to his wife,
To him, they’re all that matters.
His wife works long hours,
And rarely sees them.
Her husband makes messes
And never cleans them.

Eventually she gets mad—
She gets so mad
That things get bad.
She and her husband start to fight.
They fight from tonight
Till dawn gets bright.

They just fight and argue.
He doesn’t get a florist.
Nobody says sorry
And they both get a divorce.
Since Robin has no real job
And a crap place to live in,
It’s to the hard-working mother
That custody is given.
It’s not so bad,
Though to him, it’s bleak.
He just gets to see them
Once a week.

So Robin gets a job, a steady job.
He works this job
So he won’t have to rob.
While staying behind, a plan comes to his mind.
A plan, you’ll find
That will come to unwind.

To see his children
Every day,
He’ll become a woman
So he can stay.
His brother makes masks.
He does this for hire.
He helps Robin become
Mrs. Doubtfire.
Becoming a woman was his choice,
And it was time to foist
A calm Irish voice.
Now all in costume, he could swoon,
‘Cause he could be in the room
With his little mushrooms.
He applies as a nanny
To his lost love
And excels tremendously
From his POV.
His ex really likes him
And things start out nice.
His children like him.
There are no feelings of ice.

He picks up a book and learns to cook,
From the tips he took,
And how food should look.
From the knowledge he gleans
He learns to clean
Till the things he cleans
Begin to gleam.

His fake face is pleasant
But what the folks aren’t seeing
Is that beneath his false façade
Lies a bitter human being.
Some things he says sound nice,
But are thinly veiled insults
And some of his advice
Is used to hurt the “stupid dolts”.
Two folks he doesn’t like
Are the neighbour with a garden
And a handsome, perfect guy,
Played by Pierce Brosnan.

The neighbour he pretends to help,
Help so her flowers won’t have to wilt.
He suggests that she spray them with some of this,
And that, and this, and some strong dog piss.

It was a mean thing for him to do,
For all her flowers die,
Flowers he knew she loved.
Yes, he’s just that kind of guy.
He does not try to hide his disdain
With his ex’s choice of men,
Particularly this brand new face,
As presented to his children.
He keeps making snarky comments
As if he’s speaking nicely.
He tries to sabotage their future.
His ersatz warmth is icy.

Then he tries to poison him,
To close off his throat so he stops breathin’.
But he changes his mind as he starts to die.
As he sees him die, he instead saves his life.

This act exposes him,
Not as a nanny,
But as old Robin Williams,
A bit of a dandy.
They go back to court
As indeed they should,
And this time he loses
His kids for good.
To pass his sad days
He goes on TV
And becomes Mrs. Doubtfire
For children to see.

When the wife sees this her heart gets warm,
Warm like the calm before the storm.
She brings him back. She lets him back,
‘Cause his kids have a need to be babysat.

This is an interesting story,
As one can see,
But far too few laughs
For a supposed comedy.
There’s a whole lot of drama,
But the tone is too bleak,
And the protagonist has
A real mean streak.
Will children like a movie
With adults baring their scars?
I’m giving this movie
Two out of six stars.

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