Planet of the Apes (2001)
Directed by Tim Burton
Starring Mark Wahlberg, Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Roth
This is the only movie from Planet of the Apes
That no one talks about.
It’s an oddity in several ways,
And will always be the odd man out
For starters, there’s only one,
For there were five original Apes films,
And three more recently.
I’m sure that wasn’t the intention.
They surely wanted more,
And yet hey rushed this movie out
When they could have waited more.
The film starts out with a chimpanzee
In a spacesuit, pressing buttons.
He’s doing a simulation,
So it really isn’t nothin’,
But his human buddy’s not so sure,
And feels that he could do better,
But he gives him a snack nevertheless,
For he’s a babysitter,
Not just for him, but all of the apes
That they happen to have on board,
And they have apes of every kind,
A genetic smorgasbord.
The astronauts see a planet,
News that seems pretty great.
They put the chimp in a spaceship
So he can investigate,
But the ape’s in trouble, so the astronaut,
Played by Mark Wahlberg,
Quickly goes out after him,
And encounters the absurd.
He crash lands on a planet
Filled with intelligent and civilized apes.
Man is a minority.
How can they all escape?
Though this is the worst Apes film I’ve seen,
It’s still a decent film.
The story has enough twists and turns
To make this an unforgettable film.
The ape makeup was more advanced,
And combined prosthetics with mechanics.
They looked more realistic
When not engaged in primate antics.
When moving, leaping and throwing fits,
There was obvious wirework.
Though it gave them more range of motion,
That motion needed work.
The ugliest ape was one of the leads.
She looked like Michael Jackson.
The other apes were cute or menacing,
In a typical ape-like fashion.
Mark Wahlberg was no Charlton Heston,
But he was likeable in this role,
As a level-headed astronaut
From beyond the southern-most pole.
The characters were intriguing,
And the direction was pretty tight,
And it would have made a decent series
If they thought the time was right,
But the studio decided to cancel,
And the world had to wait
Till the year 2011,
And it was well worth the wait.
I’m giving this a 4.2,
Not enough to start it packing,
But for a Planet of the Apes film,
It felt a little lacking.