(2019) Directed by Tim Miller Starring Linda Hamilton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mackenzie Davis, Natalia Reyes, Gabriel LunaRating: ******
4/6
Dark Fate is a bit of a slog, With exceedingly bad dialogue, Which might make you chuckle more than once. One of the writers might’ve been a dunce To churn out such a ludicrous script, But the producers certainly okayed it. The ridiculous happens all the time, In a franchise that is well past its prime. I have enjoyed this. Don’t get me wrong, And at about two hours it’s not overly long, But despite the poor script, the direction was lacking. Buildup was replaced with thoughtless action. I was only half-interested in this tale, And I would keep losing interest throughout the tale. Compare this to Cameron, who I’ll mention Commanded every bit of our attention. Every frame mattered. Every shot counted. At no time could we just sit back contented. He expertly toyed with our feelings and senses, And at no time did the story seems senseless. This film is nowhere near as well-made, But were we really expecting Citizen Kane? This is the third reboot in only ten years. Our expectations were low, my dear. The story starts out with two Terminators Arriving in Mexico, naked as taters. One is liquid metal over an exoskeleton, And one is a female enhanced human. The human, Grace, has arrived To save a Mexican girl’s life. The other Terminator, as you might’ve guessed, Is there to punch a hole in her chest. Grace protects her for a bit, But she gets overwhelmed and get sick. While they’re fighting for their lives, Sarah Connor happens by. Sarah and her only son, Stopped Judgement Day from happenin’. They saved mankind from annihilation By performing a building detonation.
Unfortunately, a Terminator, Who said he be back, came back later And shot poor John multiple times., Before he could even say his lines. The Terminator who shot him through Suddenly had nothing to do, So he bought a house and named himself Carl, And developed a conscience and lost the snarl. He managed to start up a family as well, And a contracting business at which he does well. To kill the time, he sends Sarah texts So she’ll know where the Terminators will appear next. Yes, this really is what they decided to do With the star of Terminator 1 and 2. They made this heavy metal hitter Into a respectable father figure… Of course, they already did that back in T2, When he was a lot more respectable, too, But he was still a robot in that role, And not an actor who’s getting too old. The Mexican girl, just because, Is the military leader we thought John was, Leading the Resistance Against the Machines, The feminist leader of whom we all dream. This whole film has a feminist vibe, To mould it to our modern times, But their efforts neither shrink nor scale This hastily-put-together tale. The film is all right, but nothing great, Nothing to make you stay up late And focus on its frightening themes. It’s not one that will even make us dream. It’s the worst Terminator film yet, Though it’s still pretty watchable on your set. I’ll give it a four. These folks did try, But I believe the well might be running dry.
